The Astonishing Power of Feeling Truly Seen at Work
I recently read a book that stopped me in my tracks - one of those rare moments where a concept puts words to something you’ve felt but never quite understood.
It took me back to a time earlier in my career. I was in a great role, leading a strong team, and had meaningful relationships with senior leaders. I felt respected, involved, and connected. But then, almost overnight, something shifted - and the impact of not feeling seen became impossible to ignore.
I can trace it back to a disagreement with one of the most influential figures in the organisation - someone whose voice shaped decisions at the highest level. From that moment on, things shifted. The leader started making decisions without involving me - on things I’d usually be consulted on. They stopped direct communication (unless it was to criticise). And they began actively avoiding me in the lift - eyes down, no “hi.”
As someone who thrives on connection, that hit hard. I want people to like me - I care about relationships. And suddenly, I felt invisible. Like my presence, my opinion, and my contribution no longer mattered.
My confidence plummeted. My sense of self-worth took a serious knock (and took a while to rebuild). It impacted my wellbeing, my engagement at work, and - unsurprisingly - my performance went downhill.
What I was experiencing was something called ‘anti-mattering’ - the feeling that you don’t matter at all. That you’re invisible, unimportant, or insignificant to others. And now I know: that wasn’t just a tough patch. It was a failure of leadership.
Because great leaders make people feel seen. They make them feel like they matter. And people only thrive when they feel that way.
Mattering is a core human need - it drives motivation, wellbeing, and performance. Leaders have the power to create environments where people feel noticed, needed, and valued. And when that happens? People do better - and so does everyone around them.
So, how do you help people feel like they matter?
Go beyond small talk: Skip the generic “How are you?” and show that you see the individual.
Really listen: Ask meaningful questions and care about the answers. Things like: “How’s your mum doing? I know she’s been in hospital - that must be tough.”
Celebrate what makes them unique: Give specific, sincere feedback that highlights both personal and professional wins.
Show they’re needed: Make it clear that their role is essential to the bigger picture.
This kind of connection doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and intentional effort - but it’s absolutely worth it. Because you’ll never get the best from your people without it.
PPS. Creating a culture of ‘mattering’ won’t happen by accident. But with intention? The results can be rocket fuel for your team’s performance.
